i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
