I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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