Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
