I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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