You work out of a Hotel?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
