I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
