were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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