onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
