I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
