I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
