It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just found puke in my bra..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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