how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
