He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
