He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
