summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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