??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Did you just see the Batmobile???
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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