he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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