If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
