i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
