i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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