he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
