she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
