I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
