I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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