I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
