So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
