just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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