I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Congratulations! We have a period
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
