I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
