I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
