A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
