I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
