We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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