If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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