You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We just shotgunned beers for America
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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