I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
