Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
