everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
