But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
