Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
