i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
