It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
