So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
