throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
