My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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