fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
is wine microwaveable?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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