can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
