That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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