I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
