yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
