I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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